Menopause Jokes


Menopause Humor

Enjoy this collection of laughs about an
(often difficult) transitional time in a woman's life.



 
5% Sweetheart, 95% Menopausal


What's the difference between a pit bull and a woman in menopause?

Lipstick


What's the best way for a husband to predict the mood of his menopausal wife?

Assume her mood is lousy, and occassionaly he'll be wrong.





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What's the difference between a two-year-old and a woman in menopause?

You can make a two-year-old sit in time out.


What's 10 times worse than a woman in menopause?

Two women in menopause.


 
Since women go through menopause, do men go through womenopause?





 
Is it called menopause, because every time a woman who's menopausal hears a man speak, she needs to pause or she'll clobber him?


When is a man most likely to complain about the mood swings of his wife in menopause?

When she's not present.


 
If a woman in menopause were an earthquake, the earth would be in a million tiny pieces.


Which is scarier, a puppy or a rational woman in menopause?

A puppy, because a rational woman in menopause doesn't really exist.


 
Trusting a menopausal woman to control her emotions is like trusting a tornado to mow your lawn.


 
If you're looking for stability in your life, befriend a woman in menopause. Suddenly everything else in your life will seem rock-solid stable.


Safety Tip

You're safer teasing a grizzly bear than telling a woman in menopause she's moody.





 
The most effective way to discuss a difference of opinion with a woman in menopause is to keep your mouth shut.


 
Some men believe that it's not that difficult to live with a woman going through menopause. These same men believe in pink elephants who fly.


 
One way to make living with your wife's menopause easier is to pretend she was abducted by aliens and replaced by an imposter. But don't let her know you're thinking that, or you'll be wishing aliens would abduct you.


What's the best time of day to discuss a difference of opinion with a menopausal woman?

Any time of the day is fine -- about 5 years from now.


 
If scientists ever find a cure for menopause, our big problem will suddenly become global cooling.


 
If prison wardens were all women who are menopausal, crime would be non-existent.


What's the quickest way for a man to end up sleeping on the couch?

By helping his menopausal wife make up menopause jokes.


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